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Fuze 9 - Live Earth: Transformers, Big Brother and Harry Potter-

Author: Aaron Roach
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
The Al Gore 24-hour World Show...er...sorry, Live Earth has been a massive success across the, er, world. An estimated two billion people got their green on and swayed to the likes of Madonna, The Police and Duran Duran during a 24-hour period. I was hoping Paris Hilton would get involved, but apparently she was out getting blind with stars [heh...my puns rock].

Only a couple of things would've pulled me away from the confines of my Big Brother addiction and the 'Al Gore 24' didn't take me into consideration. Since it's all about a live theme - okay, I'm taking creative license here and using 'live' in a non-'title that makes you think' manner - here's a bit of a rundown as to what I think would've made the show much, much better.

1. Live Transformers Battles

I don't care what anyone says, these were the coolest-ever invention of the '80s. Voltron was alright, but dudes, Optimus Prime! He was, by far, the coolest morphing robot to ever grace the television, in magnificent 2-D glory. Imagine if they'd gone to the effort of hiring blue screens and having a bit of a battle between Autobots and Decepticons raging in the background, blowing up major buildings around the earth in their quest to decide once and for all who would be the most mighty. For a kicker, it could all be recorded to Blaster's cassette tape, which comfortably fits into his chest plate.

Yes, Mr Gore, we'd plant 400,000 trees to offset smashed buildings and cassette recordings.

Wait a minute - it's all about being carbon neutral, so why couldn't we have a battle that ends with no winners- In all honesty, they could've at least included an ad for the new flick (we had to endure Toni Collette's ramblings, after all).

2. Big Brother Live Eviction

Talk about missing a massive opportunity to get two billion people on to the voting lines. Channel 10 could've made a mint out of this option. Imagine having a break in the festival to find out if Michelle, Aleisha or Zach would be leaving the house...FOREVER! I find it somewhat disappointing that the marketers behind both juggernauts didn't feel the need to include BB07 into the equation.

The evictee (in this case, Michelle), could've walked out on to the biggest world stage and had a script to talk about how Big Brother Australia was a green programme designed to subliminally draw people in by strategically placing 'green' devices throughout the house and make the audience think of how they can make their own houses greener. If you're not ironing with a kettle, then you're not doing your bit.

3. Harry Potter Live Book Launch

JK Rowling's all about saving the planet. Pity she's not keen on saving her domineering book series. Any bloody book that has 'Deathly Hallows' as a title can only mean one thing and we're pretty sure you all know what I'm on about. To be honest, I'm not sure how JK Rowling can be pro-Earth when her books are released on paper. How many fucking trees would she have to plant- The irony is not lost on me.

Hang on, she's also worth quite a bit of green [heh...the puns just come to me], so maybe that's how she balances it all out. This is probably why she wasn't included on the roster of singers...that and the fact she probably can't sing.

How Paris missed out on a spot is beyond me.

Actually, why was there no mention of Captain Planet- He's been singing about the issues for years! I think it's all about ensuring we have one leader, which leaves one underlying question: Is Al Gore President of Earth- I assume he'd like to think so, purely on the notion that he's getting a helluva lot of attention (mostly through self-promotion) on a topic that hasn't been scientifically proven either way.

Yes, I'll be complaining next year, too.

'Ello, Suckers

Aaron Roach

(four trees were planted to offset<
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