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'Addicted to Life' by Katie Underwood

Author: Katie Underwood
Sunday, December 4, 2005
The Laws of Attraction

It's almost Summer and now's time to find a party pal for the silly season, maybe find love, but at the very least get a bit of sex! I'm no expert but here's a few tips from me on how to navigate through the treacherous social waters that await you.

Step one: Being attractive.

The key is to be unavailable. Maybe you're a tourist, travelling and only in town for a few days / weeks / months. Maybe you've just come out of a relationship and not looking for anything special. Or maybe you're married like me - but seem to attract more men (or women) than ever before. Regardless of your situation, it's all about confidence. Without a need to feel that you have to impress people, you instantly do. I've realised that true confidence is a quality that's severely lacking out there in club land. The simple act of chatting to some cute guy and then telling him point blank, after 5 minutes of simple and somewhat flirty conversation that you're not going to fuck him, is incredibly liberating. And trust me - they love it. I didn't understand why at first but after some analysis I think I've figured it out.

You see, it takes the pressure off. Most guys feel this awful pressure to be a 'stud' when they go out. To meet someone and maybe get them home. Certainly at least get their number, or perhaps email address as it is in this technological new age. Yeah, sure the aim of picking you up serves a selfish need to have sex and be impressive in front of a perfect stranger, but it's still hard work, stressful and often unrewarding. That's where I come in. Not that I ever know where it really starts but it seems to go like this..

Step 2: The art of flirting

I enter the room - maybe dance a bit - maybe smoke a bit ¡V maybe chat a bit - and then find myself in conversation with some guy. Somehow. (ok, this is not exactly a precise step by step guide but as I said - I'm no expert) Maybe it's them. Maybe at that point they've decided I'm fair game and just go for it. Good for them. I admire that. So anyway...we start chatting and I have to politely explain that I'm happy to chat with them but I'm not going to fuck them - ever - because I'm married. Simple truth. I think relief is the best way to describe their expression at this point. I guess the logic goes like this...¨she's never going to fuck me so now I don't need to bother being too impressive and I can relax, be myself and keep looking elsewhere if I want - or I can keep chatting to this cute girl, even though she wont fuck me, but I can still enjoy thinking about it.¨

Step 3: Thinking about sex

People seriously underestimate the value of just thinking about sex. And I don't mean thinking "I wish I was having it,¨ but actually thinking it through. Visualising it. Imagine the smell, the taste, the scene, the story, the players. Imagine the whole act itself from start to finish. Try it sometime, if you haven't already.

Consider that most men are used to thinking about it without actually *doing* it. Masturbation is a case in point. Perhaps daily, men spend time thinking about sex, in some form, to get themselves off. Ok, there are a few hand actions involved but its mostly mental. Take it one step further and consider that a man could be thinking about sex while chatting to a pretty girl and in his mind he IS having sex. He's doing it in his head and she knows it - and she's still talking to him. Which means it's almost like she's saying "I don't mind you having sex with me in your head - just keep it in there..¨. I can see how guys would find that a little sexy. A lot sexy. The bottom line is, it says to men "I don't mind if you think I'm sexy and even if you want to have sex with me - because I know its never going to happen!¨ Well, at least not that night anyway.

Instantly they no longer have to feel guilty about thinking about you as a sex object because now you know and you're ok with it. Second, it takes the<