Top 10 Future iPhone Applications

Apple's iPhone launches in Australia rather soon, so we thought we'd come up with a few things of what we'd like to see come standard on the phone. For that kind of money, they'd better bloody listen.

1. Teleportation Application
Without question, this is the most important facility that Apple or third parties have to work on. Okay, so it didn't work with pizzazz in Time Machine (a fucking chair with a fan-) and Napoleon's bro and uncle's was even worse (but good for a laugh), but if the little engine that could made it up the hill, it must be possible for engineers to figure out how to do something that ends in 'ise'.

2. YouPorn Application
If this needs reason, then you are not doing enough personal research on the web.

3. Retro Arcade Gaming Application
Look, we're kids of the electronic music world. Most of us are over the age of 25 - it makes sense to have your "load,8,1" ready to go on the handset. For those fans of Hyper Olympic, two more buttons will be available for you to run a lighter over until it explodes.

4. DRM Free Application
Come on, Jobs. If it's good enough for the industry, it's good enough for you fuckers to provide music and entertainment that doesn't have your watermark. Having said that...

5. Anti-'hip, fashionable guy with longish hair, I'm cool because I use a Mac' Application
So bloody annoying. It's probably the biggest stereotype available, other than the way our wondrous Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson 'apologised' (hahaha if you're just catching on). I've never met a Mac user that looks like that guy on the ad, and I'm hoping that, with the new app, every time those fuckers want to send me shit, I'll get a paperclip with eyeballs instead (GO PC!).

6. Second YouPorn Application
Don't ask.

7. Central Station Application
I dare say it'd be downright rude if we didn't include our own bloody brand on the iPhone. It would obviously be the killer app everyone has been dying to get their hands on, complete with mobile social networking, YouPorn and an abundance of downloads...and more porn.

8. Complete Back Catalogue of Stevie Wonder Application
Dude, call me superstitious (haha, even I gasped at that shocker), but if you don't have this man's music on your phone, you are probably deaf. In which case, Apple should work on a hearing-impaired version of the sheet music. If you're deaf, you've missed out on some great music over the years.

9. Boss Key Application
Let's face it - once you get your little mits on this puppy, you won't be leaving the desk, which is why the Boss Key app has to come back into play. One press of a key and you're searching Google Maps for the next assignment's location. Sorted...tidy...solid.

10. Princess Bride Application
No longer will you need to go home, shift through the tapes lying around just to hear that line ("My name is Inigo Montoya..." and so forth, for those playing at home). Okay, it barely makes it into the top 10, but I would have my arse kicked by the lady if it wasn't here and, after all, it is Valentine's Day (Flowers, chocolates, sometimes sex, for those playing with themselves at home). I'd also like to point out it has a pre-preggo Robin Wright in the lead. She was hot before Penn buttered her up.

And yes...this is how it would look on the screen:

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