Metrosexual Man invents sporno

Lifestyle marketing genius Mark Simpson, who infamously coined the phrase metrosexual, has invented a new buzzword ‘sporno’. It describes the increasingly gay porn style poses adopted in pictures by sportsmen including David Beckham and the Italian national soccer team.

“In Europe and Australia, sport is the new gay porn,” he declared in a feature published in Out magazine in July, and predicted that his new buzzword will soon supersede metrosexual.

“It’s no longer enough for the male body to be presented to us as desirable, or desiring to be desired, as it was in the early days of metrosexuality.  This doesn’t proffer an intense enough image,” he suggested.

“It’s not shocking or arousing enough any more. In fact, it’s just too . . . normal.  Now the male body has to promise us a (immaculately groomed, waxed and pumped) gang-bang in the showers.”

The hugely influential writer cited Italy’s decision to pose semi-naked and oiled in their changing room for Dolce & Gabbana before the World Cup as a prime ‘homo-provocative’ ‘sporno’ shot and claimed soccer stars have even stopped kissing each other after scoring ‘to maintain the impression that they’re only gay for pay’.

The new trend is likely to alarm Bucks County Courier Times columnist JD Mullane in America, who this week launched an all-out assault on the male cosmetic industry.

“American men are buying anti-wrinkle ‘serum,’ skin ‘brighteners’ and other exotic lotions to lift, firm and soften-” he asked. “No wonder we're losing Iraq.”

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Tags

• mark simpson
• david beckham
• italian
• europe
• out
• world cup
• bucks county courier
• times
• mullane
• america