MI5 Desperately Seeking Drug Users

Britain's secret police force MI5 have lowered their recruitment selection standards to include "ex-junkies and crooks' the News Of The World reported this week, as part of a "massive' new recruitment drive to hire more spies.

Conservative homeland security spokesman Patrick Merchant welcomed the move, telling the tabloid "the most important asset in the security service is human intelligence. If this means recruits having to come from unusual backgrounds then so be it."

The story emerged two years after MI5 tried newspaper recruitment advertising with mixed results.

"The first time MI5 advertised in the Guardian it got 14,000 applications," an MI5 source told the Independent last year. "Thirteen thousand were in need of serious medical help. Open recruiting attracts people who have confused MI5 with the SAS," he explained.

This time round, the usually highly secretive organisation are stressing that honesty is their number one requirement for wannabe James Bonds.

"We realise that some of our candidates may have taken drugs (including "soft' drugs) or substances in the past, and this need not be a bar to your application," they say on their recruitment website's Frequently Asked Questions page.

"As with all aspects of vetting, you must be entirely open to divulging details of your drugs usage."

Meanwhile in the States, drug users seeking lucrative law enforcement jobs will presumably be inspired by the example of FBI informant Carlos Ortiz, who recently earned $135,000 reportedly tax free dollars over two years.

The onetime "live sex performer, pimp and heroin trafficker for Colombians' made his fortune informing on the activities of alleged drug dealers in Springfield (MA), The Republican newspaper revealed this week, though has since relocated after his cover was blown.
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