TF Archives

Beans Means Saucy Brits & Alfresco Sex

Author: Jonty Skrufff
Saturday, June 4, 2005
Over half of all British tourists (51%) take Heinz Baked Beans with them on holiday while 46% export HP sauce, a survey of 4,000 Brits revealed this week. Tea bags, Pot Noodles and Hellmans Mayonnaise are also firm favourites, the Mirror reported, with Brits apparently believing local varieties of the same goods taste different (

The culinary revelations emerged as another survey of British people's recreational habits revealed that 70% admit to enjoying sex outdoors, prompting the Sun to predict that Britain's countryside would host an orgy of copulating couples last weekend.

"If the hills are alive with the sound of sex this bank holiday weekend it is because nothing makes you more alive than getting frisky in the foliage," Sun morality editor Kate Taylor declared. "Come rain or shine, there are bound to be loads of couples out there this weekend horizontal hiking, so I'd advise people of a nervous disposition to avoid anywhere leafy."

Her recommendations emerged just over a year after alfresco sex reached the mainstream after ex soccer star Stan Collymore was exposed as a serial dogger, telling the Mirror "over the last couple of years I have been to dogging sites maybe a dozen to 15 times and yes I have taken part and had sex during them".

The shamed scoundrel also implicated hard house vixen Lisa Lashes when he sold her the Range Rover car he used for his nefarious activities.