It Really Is Grim Up North- Official

Stockport councillors ordered a local rubber factory to paint two new 25 metre chimneys grey last week, so they blend in with the Manchester suburb's 'miserable skyline'.

"It will be painted pale grey because the sky in Stockport is more often than not pale grey," planning control chief Jenny Humphries told the Guardian.

"You will always see it but it will be less intrusive" (The newspaper added that it rains an average of 22 days a month in the South Manchester area, with winter sunshine often limited to just 2 hours a day).

More bleakly, local club promoter/ music chief/ DJ Gary Ladd from Silicon Hustler also criticised the region this week, telling Skrufff "last week's story about Erlend Oye being attacked outside the Arndale Centre didn't surprise me one bit- it's fucking grim up north; full stop."

"It might be reasonably safe for boys in eyeliner or whatever freakish get-up they choose to wander round Soho and Hoxton but it certainly isn't safe to do that up here," he continued.

"Our Electric Bizzare parties now have to be held in secret locations to stop the beer and brawn muppets (moronic hooligans- slang Ed) showing up for a brawl."
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