Erked, the Welsh Fighting Midget, and his misadventures in Clubland

a piece of part-fiction by Phil Jones somewhat, but not entirely, based on conversations with others.

Part One: Introductions

Ok, so you're asking yourself "What in the name of Christ is a 'Welsh Fighting Midget-'"... I suppose the answer is probably best left to a definition that, somewhat surprisingly for this little fighting midget, is not found in the latest, or for that matter any, edition of the Oxford Dictionary. It was coined by a couple of friends of mine, and probably describes me best. But rather than clogging up mountains of valuable space here, suffice it to say their definition contains the phrases 'completely asexual', ' often found largin' it', 'next to a wicked bass' and 'mashed'. Well, you get the idea anyway.

I live in a little one bedroom place nice and close to all amenities, including transport, which makes it easier for me to escape the normal day-to-day drudgery of modern city living and indulge in my favourite pastime: getting on it! However, I have been finding that more recently these little periods of escapism have been leading to a more interesting pastime: observations of people, their reactions to certain things and also a side helping of self-exploration, just to keep the mix interesting.

Sketchy morning recovery banter with friends about my findings led a few of them to suggest I chronicle these observations in a book. It would make quite the psychological text book for university or PhD students researching human behavior, I'm sure, but doing such a thing is something I have neither the time nor the patience for. Besides, to do so would mean lots of late nights making notes whilst off-chops in various clubs. Not exactly my idea of a good time, I'd prefer to be living it rather than writing about it, and those that know me will tell you that my natural ability to jump from thought to thought to thought with no conceivable pattern linking such thoughts would make any notes pretty much as useful as a female stripper at a homosexual's bucks party.

Which brings us to this column.

I am hoping that over the coming months I can give you all a little insight into the human makeup, how we interact with others and ourselves. But with a bit of a fresh, new perspective. A Welsh Fighting Midget's perspective. You will not find this psychological examination on human interaction in an ABC documentary, nor will you see it on Discovery Channel. I tried, neither will buy the idea from me. Bastards.

Overwhelmingly, I suspect, most Welsh Fighting Midget's will be able to relate to this column, particularly the Austral Jonesis subset. I hope that you will too. Either way, it's aim is to provide a comical look at how clubbers act around other clubbers, what it actually is that djs do, and why we keep coming back for more.

Enjoy,

Erked.
If you have an idea for a topic you would like covered by Erked, a question you need an answer for or an amusing anecdote about yourself, or, even better, others(like, best friends), email Erked at: welshfightingmidget@tranzfusion.net
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