Jonny Slut- I'll Shag That Guardian Critic

Nag, Nag, Nag chief Jonny Slut brushed off a nasty review by the Guardian's club-hating culture writer Jacques Peretti this week, telling Skrufff "I'm sure if I met him at Nag, I'd probably try and sleep with him."

Peretti had slated Jonny in a bizarre polemic against 'back to basics' clubbing, after apparently being entranced by him at a recent Fesh party at Hoxton's 333 club, where Jonny and Sigue Sigue Sputnik were both performing.

"You might claim to enjoy Nag Nag (sic), watching Sigue Sigue Sputnik attempt to resurrect their career for the 933rd time while Jonny Slut and his friends laugh long and hard from the side, wearing glittery eye patches and rainbow leg warmers," Peretti simpered.

"But wouldn't you secretly rather be in the minicab on the way home, humming along to the Lighthouse Family-"

Jonny denied he'd been wearing glittery eye-patches ('I'd only wear them if I had some hideously deforming eye-infection') and stressed that he remains an enthusiastic supporter of fellow 80s veterans the Sputniks.

"I have such fond memories of them, particularly their first single Love Missile F1-11," he revealed.

"When I first played it at full volume in our squat, the Irish navvy who lived upstairs, came down and told me if I ever played that record again, he'd kill me."

However, Jonny did own up to occasionally enjoyed the pleasures of mini-cab music.

"I once had an epiphany in the back of the cab when Kiki Dee's Amoureuse came on," he recalled.

"I think there's a frustrated housewife in me somewhere."
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