Barefoot Doctor on Stealing Lovers and Finding True Love in Clubs
Sunday, March 4, 2001Channel 4's Big Breakfast 'spirituality guy' the Barefoot Doctor, hooked up with Mezz this week to share more of his essential advice on love and romance in 21st century clubland. An occasional personal adviser to the Newzz team, The Taoist trained Doc recently performed a spoken word gig at Fabric, and is rapidly becoming Britain's number one doctor of love. Impressively (in our humble opinion), he also insisted he's more 'fucked up' than any of us on the newzz team.
Mezz: Are nightclubs good places to find true love-
Barefoot Doctor: "No, absolutely not. Not that I preclude it happening, obviously it's possible, but clubs tend to be very much about the moment, certainly from my experience. You can build up a really amazing vibe with somebody but it very rarely translates beyond that environment."
Mezz: Why not-
Barefoot Doctor: "One reason is because the lights are different and people can look really good in the dark, but the real one is because you're in an altered state, engendered by the beat, the lights and whatever substances you may have taken. The context in which you see people is altered. In a sense, you're in a semi-ritualistic, semi-celebratory mood in the club, which heightens the sense of perceptions and tilts the balance of your view, whereas in day-to-day life, you need to deal with someone in a day-to-day way. Also, it's really difficult to talk to someone in a club because you have to shout and it's hard to connect with someone without talking to them."
Mezz: Are you a believer in love at first sight-
Barefoot Doctor: "Yeah, it definitely happens but you're quite probably misreading it. I hear stories all the time of people that fall in love with someone in a bar, they start talking, get on amazingly well, then the girl says "Oh, by the way, meet my husband'."
Mezz: You recently insisted you were more 'fucked up' than us, being a spiritual doctor shouldn't you be enlightened-
Barefoot Doctor: "Being enlightened doesn't preclude being fucked up, in fact, being enlightened is about being able to accept and own your own fuck-up (fault) rather than being in denial about it. 'Fucked up' is the human state, as far as I'm concerned, being flawed is a part of being on the planet. It's a flawed reality and therefore, the schism (split) in someone's character is unavoidable. You don't mend the schism instead you embrace all aspects of yourself and try to sit comfortably with who you are. But I'm fucked up for sure, otherwise, how could I relate to anybody else-"
Mezz: What's your diagnosis on seducing somebody else's lover-
Barefoot Doctor: "When you steal other people's partners it's usually based on a pattern that comes from childhood subconsciously, where you trying to take the parent of the opposite sex away from the same sex parent -i.e. to have them all to yourself. It's part of the omnipotent phase, which usually ends around the age of three and it's a power trip, for sure. Obviously there may also be times when the lust connection is so strong that you can't resist it, but then manners are also important. There are certain protocols to relationships and if you actually go around nicking people's partners in front of them it's pretty hurtful. It's best avoided."
Mezz: One of your website fables says "If you've been hesitating from asking someone out on a date for fear of catching them at an inopportune moment, do so no longer. Be bold, take a risk and ask them now - if only for the theatre of it", what about if you get humiliated-
Barefoot Doctor: "Your humiliation is the theatre. The underlying message is, 'Don't identify with your persona to the extent that it cripples you from making moves. If you can't make a fool of yourself you're not free. You have to be able to do all things; being the hero and being the fool."
Barefoot Doctor is on Channel 4's Big Breakfast every Monday at 8.50am (UK).
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